besspeacetime: (hypocrits)
A few years ago , tony and myself were driving on El Camino, we were listening to the Giants game, and a company for a locally famous jewelery store came on during a break.

It was close to mothers day, and the commercial seemed to follow a theme of "Horrible things will happen to you unless you give the mother of your children a Gi-normous Rock for Mothers' Day"

In my brain this clicked something and I said..."O good lord... 'Be afraid...Give us Money'"

This revelation of thinking, and realizing that modern advertising has come to rely on a model of not,

"Our product is good and reliable so if you need one, you should try ours"

but of

"If you don't buy this bad things will happen to you, your loved ones, and all those around you"

Since then I have seen many ads through this new brain filter and noticed they tend to fall into categories, I no longer see them as ads, but parse them for what nerve they are trying to hit.

So far tony and I have identified many types of ads

"Be afraid, give us money" is used for insurance, gift purchases (gets really bad around christmas time), car dealerships, diet plans, otc medicines, prescription drug plans, pretty much anything aimed at the old and infirm, and, oddly enough, Ad council public service ads and charities ("the give us money or we let the heathens starve" christian charities are really bad with this)

"Old People Suck" Ads. Cover your gray, get hair plugs, wrinkles are bad here's some goo, your computer/identity is at risk from billions of thieves, here's a phone with giant buttons and no contract, These are ads designed to make you fear a specific thing... not just the general consume or die panic button fear. These are ads where Aging is a thing to be avoided at all cost and you must fight the cosmetic signs of it even if you go bankrupt doing it.

"Men are Stupid" Ads that rely on a presumed feminine camaraderie, that "Psst... men are dumb but fun to fuck" type of theme, oddly enough this one is used to advertise a lot of men-centric products...hardware stores and beer, tool sets, car parts, sporting events... as well as things aimed at the household or couple in charge of a household. Not to mention the late night ads where boobs sell theoretical companionship to lonely insomniacs.

"Bad Parent Guilt" these are ads for children's products that cover things you could do your self, and for the most part, probably do... but they want you to feel like you are failing and use their product to make yourself feel better. Children's vitamins and dietary supplements are mostly the culprits here. "I can't be bothered to teach my child good eating I will give them a can of soyentshake and that will make me a good parent."

and the chef boyardee ads, while funny, I'll admit, are just as bad, because they are advocating "sneaking" vegetables (by which they mean a serving of tomatoes and about three cups of sugar) into your child's food instead of using there appreciation of the tomato sauce to introduce them to foods with more tomatoes and less sugar, using it as a gateway vegetable. "If you liked that, you should try this...."

"Women having sex with food" This category does not include the PeTA ad that literally follows the plot of women having intimate vegetable moments, that ad falls under fear ads. I'm talking here about ads where women, bereft of companionship are REALLY excited about a small plastic cup of chocolate flavored goo, or bottles of ranch dressing, or drink mix powder. The insinuation're alone you will always be alone, you may as well start working on that crazy cat lady figure because no man will have you, and food is your only comfort and sole joy in life and the closest you will get to an orgasm. (I'd like to point out that there are many fine establishments to purchase dyi orgasm equipment, where the only man you will have to deal with is working the cash register, if that truly is what you want.)

these don't cover every ad, I am not sure if the weird drug commercials fall in the "Old People Suck" category or the "Fear" category... you know the ones where they have a half an hour of disclaimers... and at the end of the ad you are unsure if it was an ad for or a warning against the medication.

Then there are the useless ads... Like an ad for Ice Cream, geared for children...

hey... You know how you sell Ice Cream to children? you turn to a child and say

"Would you like some Ice Cream?"

it works every time.
(this approach even works on most adults, and it works especially well on Tony)

There's also the backfire ads... Nothing makes me want to fire up a smoke so bad as anti smoking ads.

...and... rant over for now.


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